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Chapter 1
1. And the mother said unto the father, “Verily, I say unto you, I am headed to the grocery store to buy cake mix.”
2. And the father said unto the mother, “Make sure it’s low-carb.”
3. At the grocery store, the mother searched the aisles for cupcake wrappers, but they were very small and hard to find.
4. And the Publix staff did comfort the mother, and show her where they hid the cupcake wrappers.
5. As the mother put the bounty in the pantry, the baby found her cup runneth over in the kitchen cabinets. And the cat food bowl. And the trashcan.
6. So the mother gave the baby Cheerios in her high chair, and the baby said, “It is good.”
Chapter 2
1. And on the morning of the seventh day, the mother awoke to bake cupcakes.
2. And the father slept, as the seventh day was for rest.
3. And while the baby ate her breakfast, she knew not what her mother did.
4. In the afternoon, when the baby was hungry, her mother and her father brought her to her high chair.
5. They gave the baby a cupcake, and lo, the candle and the flame confused the baby.
6. But the chocolate frosting was tasted, and the baby said, “Ooo! That’s good!”
We never knew a year could go by so quickly. Thanks to all of you for your love and support of our little family – it’s appreciated beyond any measure.
Our neighborhood has hosted a community picnic each May for the last 30 years. This year’s picnic included a pageant for girls, with the specific instructions “no pageant dresses and no makeup.” They only wanted sunsuits. Let me state for the record, I am SOOOO not a pageant person! But the casual aspect sounded good, and it was a Saturday - I thought it would be fun if I took Helen and paraded her around. If she won, it would make a great Helen Update, right?
And it was fun. Helen took a stroll across the stage with her mommy, noticed some posts at the edge of the stage, and bent down to touch them. It’s like she didn’t even notice all the people standing in front of the stage, looking at her! I was hoping for a big smile and a flash of those blue eyes, maybe even a little wave, but you can’t put that kind of pressure on a toddler. The best you can hope for is “no crying.” After everyone walked across the stage, they had us line up and the judges started whispering to each other and pointing at their clipboard. That was where all the fun stopped, in a hurry. It was like I forgot there would be judging involved. (duh!) I was ready to go home at that point.
But we had to see who won, and our Helen took 1st runner-up, along with some flowers. When they tried to put a sash & a tiara on the winner, the little girl cried and buried herself in her daddy’s knees. The sash fell to the ground, and naturally Helen reached down to pick it up. ;)
This past weekend we went to visit Brian’s uncle & aunt on their farm. Helen got a chance to walk around their big yard and chase their border collie. Too bad the cows took an opportunity on a hot day to hang out in the creek on the other side of the field, or else Helen would have had a chance to hear a real “moo.” But she charmed J. & L. in true Helen style.
Yesterday we tried the pool for the first time. SHE LOVED IT. She played on the steps for a little while, splashing everything near her. Then I held her and walked around in the pool, getting in deeper water. After about 20 minutes of trying to drink the water by putting her face down in the water then rubbing her eyes to get the water out, I noticed a little red rash forming around the eye area. Turns out she was rubbing the sunscreen on her hands into her eyes, and she must have been allergic to it. So we had to go home and get the Benadryl and take a bath to wash all that sunscreen off. But the pool sure was fun while it lasted.
Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day!
I’m here to report that Montreal is lovely, folks. Architecture is stunning. I had no idea you could do that much with concrete. Seriously, everything we saw was made out of concrete. I guess it survives the winter a lot better. Lots more churches than I expected in such an urban area, and a lot more French paired with English than I expected. Signs on the street, in the museums, on the Metro maps - everyone we ran into spoke both languages fluently, so it was no problem getting around or communicating. But you wince whenever you buy something. I think it’s because they’re making it in the US and shipping it to Canada and then we’re trying to buy it there with a much weaker dollar. Then everyone laughs at the stupid American tourists, trying to fit all those expensive souvenirs in their luggage. I paid $8 for a souvenir jar of maple syrup. Oh, but it’s Canadian dollars, you say? Go price maple syrup at the grocery store. I still think I got screwed.
MasterCard is running a commercial these days that asks you to write your own. Here’s mine:
One bottle of wine and a French dinner in a Montreal bistro, ordered in our best Southern accents: $140.00 (Canadian).
Two tickets to the 1976 Olympic Park, looking for a possible 50-mile view from a 90-story tower in light rain & heavy fog: $63.00 (Canadian). (No refunds.)
A beer in a crowded bar during the hockey playoffs, and you’re the only American in the room: $6 (Canadian). (Can I have that beer to go, please?)
Getting enough sleep in a week’s vacation to catch up on a year’s worth of deprivation: Impossible. Ha! What were you thinking?
Boy, howdy, we missed that baby while we were gone. Her Nana B survived the week with flying colors, including one rough night of teething, but the rest was spent in blissful solid rest and lots of playing. Helen even got a nap or two, I hear.
When I came to pick her up, Helen looked so different. She had grown so much in a week! She was walking everywhere. And she says “Uh oh” all the time now. It’s her first official word. She’ll take her pacifier out of her mouth, look at me and say, “Uh oh” and then hurl it to the floor. She’ll look down at the paci, then at me, like, “Hey, get that, would ya?” In the wee hours of the morning, she’ll hurl it out of her crib and then cry until I show up to give it back to her. So there went all that sleep I caught up on.
We enjoyed watching Helen’s Uncle S. graduate from college – congratulations, S.!! - and at an after-party, Helen got to play with her Aunt M. and cousin M. M. *loves* to hug Helen. Thankfully we got a picture of it before Helen used her daycare karate chop on him. She’s a quick one.
Last week we had a giant rainstorm in the middle of a sunny afternoon, and afterwards there was a beautiful double rainbow. We even managed to get a picture of our pot of gold, too. Enjoy.
Dear Mommy,
Did you get my letter from Camp Grandma yesterday? I had fun visiting your friend and all of Aunt M's friends at big school yesterday. I got to play in the hall outside the computer lab cause the air conditioning didn't work in the lab and Nana said it was too hot for me in there. I really think it was too hot for her--boy, was her face red. When she took me out in the hall I discovered that there was the neatest echo if I screamed really loud. All the kids in the hall thought that was soooooo cool. I waved bye-bye to all of them and all the little (big to me) girls were oohing and ahing. Aunt M. introduced me to all the kids in her class but we left when I started adding letters and other neat stuff to one of the kid's PowerPoint show. I was having fun--don't know what that kid's problem was. But that might explain why Nana hasn't taken her computer out of its case (at least that I've seen) even though it has been upstairs ever since I've been here.
Today Nana said we are going to the bank to deposit Aunt J.'s check. She said I am going to play outside on the deck too. That sounds like fun. I can push the big truck around and see if I can beat my cousin M's record for dropping things over the edge into the garden below. That will reinforce the "uh-oh" that I love to say. I hope she remembers to take the camera outside... Did you get the pictures we sent yesterday? Nana and I hope you and Daddy are having a good time.
Love,
Helen
Hi Mommy & Daddy,
I hope you guys are having a good time. Nana and I are having fun down here. Just thought I'd drop you a line and give you an update. She (Nana) is doing well and we are getting alone just fine - we did have a bit a a rocky start on Sunday, getting used to each other and all that. You'd think someone that old could get accustomed to a baby faster than that. I thought old people could stay up all night.
But now things are great and we are having fun. Yesterday we went to big school. Nana and I interviewed the special ed teachers at Ms. J's school so we could write our final paper. They all loved me in spite of the fact that I gave them a present during the middle of it all that scorched the paint off the conference room walls. (We left Coach a little present in the men's room trash.) We got the Nana's paper done and e-mailed it off by three. By four o'clock the professor wrote back and said we earned an A in the course! Yeah! My first college project!!
Last night Aunt C. and Uncle P. came over and stayed with me since Nana had choir practice. (Too much church, Nana!) We had fun and Aunt C. took all my sugar. Uncle P. is funny too--he kept saying he wanted to go home and leave Aunt C. with me. I think he really wanted to get away from that big doggie.
Today we are going over to that big grey school after our nap (what's with all the big schools, Nana?) to visit Aunt M. We went to the grocery store this morning and I tried to go home with one of the clerks but Nana was having none of it.
Nana broke out her camera this morning too. Good grief! She kept muttering things like "if only I had my camera upstairs." Just because I was washing my pacifier in the bathwater? And she really wished the camera was closer when I walked all the way across the kitchen and pulled a drawer open. Gosh, Nana's cabinet drawers open fast. It surprised me so much that I fell down on my behind, and I landed so hard it blew the paci right out of my mouth which made me laugh out loud. In fact it was so much fun, I tried it again but Nana said enough--time for lunch.
I told her to send this while I'm napping and be sure to attach some pictures since that annoying camera is out. Have lots of fun and I'll see you soon!
Love,
Helen
Some of you may think from my glowing emails full of praise and love for Helen, that we’re escaping any of the really hard work involved in raising a baby. You know, how she eats so well and sleeps through the night and exudes love and happiness to her parents and her daycare teachers and everyone she meets. And for the most part, you’re right. We’ve thanked our lucky stars over and over.
Then came last weekend.
There is a baby named Helen that I gave birth to last June, and nurtured and fed and clothed and kissed for over 10 months, and then there is a baby that replaced her on Saturday night around 11:15 pm. The Replacement Baby woke up screaming bloody murder. I think I woke up running up the stairs to her room. When I got her out of her crib, she clung to me, sobbing but quieted. I rocked her for a minute and tried to put her back down, but she got right back up, screaming. I thought to myself, “Who are you and what have you done with Helen?” Really, I’ve never seen her like this. I couldn’t get her to stay in the crib, so I held her until she fell asleep, whimpering. She proceeded to thrash around all night like a wild thing, and awoke at 5 am, hungry and cranky. Holding her was a necessity or the screaming started again. This continued through most of Sunday, with The Replacement Baby waking us overnight again.
So, still in zombie mode on Monday from the lack of sleep, I manage to string together a sentence or two when I got to work to see if anyone knew about this. It turns out that’s not The Replacement Baby – instead, Helen is really teething. The first two teeth were a breeze. This time, we’re not getting off so lucky. There’s the runny nose, the sweating, the fussing and the sleepless nights. There’s the simply impossible task of changing a diaper or putting on her clothes. There’s a nap to be had, somewhere, somehow, but she’s not taking it. And food? “Mama, you’re taking too long to mix the cereal! Make it snappy, right after I finish this giant meltdown in my highchair.”
I’m happy to report that she was finally back to her usual self yesterday, having slept 10 hours solid Tuesday night (thank you lord!). And she charmed the socks off all the waiters at the Mexican restaurant last night. But the bad news is that the teeth have yet to actually break through the gums. You can see them, just hanging there.
I think I need to give her that big car bolt again. That should punch ‘em right through, don’t you think?
On Sunday, Brian & I head to Canada for a week. While I attend lots of sessions with my colleagues on how to put up with lawyers, Brian is going to figure out where they put the Biodome, and also how to say, “I don’t speak French, eh?” It should be a lot of fun.
Her Nana B. is going to watch her for the week, so if you’re in town, try to catch The Helen Show, and give her plenty of hugs and kisses. Nana B. might need it, too.
For the Easter weekend, Helen had a lovely visit from her cousin M. From the moment they woke up and spotted each other, and got the biggest grins on their faces, I knew it was going to be a fun time for them. They spent two days playing together like the sweetest pair of children you’ve ever seen. M. gave Helen lots of hugs, and Helen shared her toys with him (mostly).
Saturday my sister & I took them to the zoo. M. says “woof woof” whenever he sees a dog, and everything he saw at the zoo was a “woof woof.” (Actually, it comes out more “woo woo” so maybe they’re all trains.)
Helen & M. also had little Easter baskets full of plastic eggs, and I got several pictures of Helen’s new party trick. She can put one of those eggs into her mouth, look up at her parents and grin. She’s clearly having a ball, and I can’t help but laugh. We’ve got the next class clown on our hands!
No drooling. No fever. No diaper rash. No crying. Just two teeth, plain as day. Helen is a trooper, indeed. And a keeper! This probably means we’re due for all the “fun” during the teenage years. “No, Helen, you may not borrow the car keys. Why? Well, if only you had cried while you were teething, you’d be wheeling around town tonight. But the scales have to balance some day, and I’m not taking any chances, missy. No keys, no way.”
We had guests D. & E. in town this weekend in town for a good visit, delicious Mexican food, and terrible basketball - the best our city has to offer! They got to witness the big tooth milestone, and on Saturday E. & I watched Helen let go of the ottoman and stand on her own. It lasted only a few seconds before she plopped down. She’s growing & changing every single day, and I can’t even blink for fear of missing any of it. That, and all the falling she does. It’s sort of uncontrolled, sometimes bopping her head on the floor or a piece of furniture. We can’t let that happen too often. We have to keep those SAT scores high, you know. Scholarships don’t just grow on trees!
The weekend before, Helen’s grandparents were in town for a good visit, too. They gave Helen a quilt that most of the family had helped to make – several squares of cross-stitching and quilting to finish it all off nicely. I’ve spread it out on the bed in Helen’s room and couldn’t be more pleased with how it turned out. It’s such a nice keepsake for her, and both Brian & I want to give a tremendous thank you to all of the family for the love and hard work (and arthritic hand cramping after that much sewing) that went into this beautiful project.
Helen has been chewing on a bolt from one of the kits for Brian’s Mustang restoration project. She absolutely loves that thing, and now we can legitimately say she cut her first teeth on car parts.
Helen is now very MOBILE and into EVERYTHING. Our house is now a matter of “what’s under 3 feet? Yep, she can grab it.” I need to build a mantel that runs around the entire room, so I can put everything she can’t have on it. The camera. The remote. My cell phone. Daddy’s wallet. Anything resembling a piece of paper, including receipts, kleenex, mail … hey, wait. You can DEFINITELY shred those bills for me, Helen. Thanks!
If nothing else, it’ll inspire me to keep my house clean.
(Oh, who’s kidding who here. That’ll never happen.)
Saturday Helen & I shared a girl’s rite of passage. It was a special moment, one that will live in my memory forever. And she seemed to respect the importance of the occasion. Yes, we went SHOE SHOPPING. Now this is where every guy reading this entry clicks on “close.” So for the girls still reading, she now has FOUR pairs of shoes that she can wear until she grows out of them, which should be next Monday. Two pairs of sneakers, one pair of traditional baby walking shoes, and a pair of dress shoes. I’m so proud.
TINYTOWN, USA – Friday – Parents were overjoyed to see their daughter Helen stand up late Wednesday. “She wanted to see something on the ottoman, I guess,” said her mother, Jennie. “She grabbed the edge and got on her knees, and then just stood up. I couldn’t believe it.” Jennie says she got so excited, she said “Wow!” and made Helen smile and let go, and she promptly fell on her bottom.
Helen’s father was also excited to hear the news. “We had kept Helen home from daycare that day, since she was working on a case of pinkeye. We spent the afternoon playing, and Jennie came home early so I went upstairs to do some work. I heard about the excitement and couldn’t be prouder of my Sweet Pea.”
Later that evening, both parents were giving Helen a bath when she stood in the tub. The tot got a chance to play in her newly-lowered crib after her bath, and stood up in the crib, too.
Both parents are aware that Helen’s new ability to stand means their lives are about to change radically. “She’s growing up so fast, and it’s so much fun to see her enjoy new things,” her mother says. Her father is looking forward to her help with restoring a 60's vintage Ford Mustang which currently resides in the garage. “She’s already figured out how to work the jack, so bodywork isn’t that far off.”
Jennie noted that the camera is ready to go at a moment’s notice, but this new skill has yet to be captured on video. “She’s been trying to stand, but as soon as she sees that camera, she smiles and sits back down.” However, a mother’s persistence may pay off this weekend. “I’m going to follow her around with that camera all day!” she laughed.
Friends and family members rolled their eyes. “I think she does that already, judging from all the emails I get,” said one friend, who refused to be named.
She turned eight months old this weekend.
Helen is learning to feed herself, but it’s a work in progress. Some it stays in her mouth, while most of it's on her chin, her fist, her hair, etc.
She love hanging with her Daddy. He carries her around on his shoulders and she hangs on to his hair.
While she was in the tub last week, she noticed herself in a “mirror.” So I asked Brian to bring up the camera. Despite her being in the tub, it’s safe for viewing at work.
I’m stepping away from the Ark Project for a moment to report on Helen Margaret Wyatt.
Current skills include:
1 – Grabbing anything within reach, including (but not limited to): toys, hair, small pets.
2 – “Army crawling” across the living room floor (dragging herself by her arms) to the small (but apparently quite tempting) lights on the Tivo.
3 – Endearing herself to the public at large. Smiling at anyone – in the grocery store, at restaurants and at daycare.
4 – Eating solid food in her new high chair, and learning how to put it everywhere except her mouth.
5 – Waking up at 12:30 am and speaking directly into the monitor. No crying, just lots of baby talk. At TWELVE-THIRTY IN THE MORNING.
She has not yet learned how to:
1 – grow teeth.
2 – eat peas.
I think we’ve got our priorities straight.
Recipe for good holiday picture:
A few days before Christmas, grab the last outfit at Toys’R’Us that fits your child.
Make sure she’s awake & well fed & in a good mood.
If she’s not in a good mood, add a favorite toy.
Hope everyone had a great Christmas!
How to Meet Santa for the First Time Ever:
1. Put on your best dress and wait patiently in line at the mall.
2. When it’s your turn, sit on his lap without crying.
3. Let him know you have the same name as his favorite aunt.
4. Notice his (real) beard and grab a handful of it.
5. Yank. Hard.
6. While Santa’s eyes are watering from the pain, let go and look around for mom. Your work here is done.Santa will definitely remember you, take pity on your parents, and leave a few scraps of leftover wrapping paper under the tree for you to play with on Christmas morning.
I look forward to many more moments like this with Helen & Brian, and I’m sending you all best wishes for your holiday with your families & friends.
This is what happens when your mother has watched “A Christmas Story” far, far too many times.
We were folding laundry on the bed when she passed out cold. I'll let it slide this once.
Helen’s first football weekend. The outfit barely fit – not sure her belly will go into it again.
And Helen, darling, I know the feeling.
Tickets, you ask? What for? Why, the gun show, of course!
Today’s the first day back at work – it’s been one crazy summer! We’re all settled in the new house, and if you’ve gotten the birth announcement by now, you should have the new address & phone number, too. Please know you’re welcome for a visit anytime.
I’ll also bore you all with the current picture on my computer desktop, which I can check out whenever I get the urge to see my little sweet pea. Today, it’s only been about every minute or so.
I was 35 weeks, 1 day along in my pregnancy on June 3. At my appointment that morning, my OB-GYN nonchalantly announced that I was 1 cm dilated, and I would deliver in a few weeks.Shock and awe registered immediately. I couldn't deliver early. My husband and I were closing on a house in a week. After doing some work on the place, we were moving in at the end of the month. There wasn't any room at the apartment for baby stuff, so I had planned a shopping spree for after the move-in. There wasn't supposed to be a baby until my due date. I was supposed to have MORE TIME.I protested. She said I might go longer, but it was doubtful. I'd better get ready.I made a frantic call to my husband in the parking lot. I could barely get the words out. I think I was crying. He very calmly said it'll be okay. But, MORE TIME. I need MORE TIME.
The next morning, my back hurt and I couldn't sleep, so I moved out to the living room around 4:30 am. I caught up on all my Tivo'd shows, and catnapped a little, and around 8:30 I was thinking about doing some packing when I felt a tremendous POW in my belly. Suddenly, something was leaking down there, and my stomach hurt. I raced to the bathroom, and sure enough, whatever was leaking was red. I freaked out. What was happening? I got the doctor's card off the fridge, grabbed my hubby's cell phone, and on the way back to the bathroom, I threw both items at him (he was still asleep) and said in a very trembly voice, "Call the doctor, tell her I'm bleeding."Turns out an on-call doctor was covering for the weekend. I told her there was a wave of pain and lots of fluid had leaked out. She asked a few questions, then said I better come in. I told her, "But I haven't pre-registered yet! Our birthing class is next weekend." She laughed and said, "I think they'll take you anyway."It sounds ridiculous now, but it was my first baby. I had no idea that my water was breaking and I was having contractions. I really thought something was wrong.My husband got up and put some clothes on. We headed for the car, grabbing the camera "just in case." What I kept thinking was, the baby needed MORE TIME. We raced down the road, until we hit construction. Traffic was backed up for several miles. So we drove down the shoulder to get to the next exit, and flew down back streets. At the hospital, we got to park in that special spot for women in labor. What I kept thinking was, I haven't showered. I haven't packed. I need MORE TIME.I gave my insurance card to the lady at the desk and she started pecking away at a computer. When she asked for my last name, I gave her my maiden name. I didn't realize my mistake until my husband said, "NICE." We both started laughing. Well, I thought it was funny, anyway.A big contraction hit, and paperwork time was suddenly over. I was wheeled into triage. A nurse gave me a gown and told me to put it on. But I was leaking again, making a mess everywhere and I worried what my husband thought. Was he grossed out yet? He wasn't prepared for any of this. Hell, neither was I. I warned him it may get ugly. He said he was there for the long haul. Except, right now, he needed to move the car. The nurse came in, checked me and said I was at 4 cm. We were having a baby. I grabbed my husband's shirt front and pulled him close to me and said, "MAKE SURE I GET MY EPIDURAL." The nurse laughed. I don't know what was so funny. It was really starting to hurt a lot.My husband moved the car. I got to the room, settled in, and just as my husband came back, the on-call doctor walked in. I had never met her before. She was a lovely woman, very friendly and very bright-eyed for having just delivered another baby overnight. She checked me and discovered I was at 6 cm. I got a little panicky. I really wanted that epidural. The contractions were spiking and coming a lot quicker. I was writhing and moaning because it hurt so much. No position was comfortable. I was thinking, not so fast. Not so fast. This was all going too fast.I got my epidural from another doctor named Fred. No one called him Doctor. He was Fred. Everyone in the room loved Fred. When he walked in, it was like "Norm!" on Cheers. I didn't care, as long as he had my shot. Fred managed to jab me in between contractions, and I didn't feel anything after that. Really. It was like half a contraction, and then NOTHING. I had a new best friend, and his name was Fred. Could we name our baby after Fred? Fred was a delight to mothers everywhere. Fred was THE MAN.We called our parents and our siblings. Everyone promised to get in the car and show up as soon as possible. My husband showered. He came out fresh & clean. I was so jealous. No shower for me. We had a short discussion with the doctor about giving birth this early. She gave us a list of things they would look at in a pre-term baby. Weight and breathing function were the big factors. They had a couple of people from the NICU ready to check her out and make sure she was okay. My husband stopped the doctor and told her whatever it is, we'll deal with it then, but let's not spend the next little while worrying about all of this. I knew there was a reason I married that man.I progressed through the rest of labor quickly. I was so relaxed, I could have napped. There was a huge spike on the monitor, and I said, "You see that? I can't feel that." I loved my epidural. I loved Fred. I loved everyone.At 10 cm, it was time to push. My husband grabbed one knee, and the delivery nurse grabbed another. I didn't know how to push. I just held my breath to a count of ten. I really couldn't feel anything with the epidural. I hoped I did it right. The nurse said after a few pushes that she could see Helen's hair. I could tell my husband was trying hard not to look. I was surprised that most of that hour was spent with just my husband and a nurse. The doctor only showed up at the end. The baby came out a little off center - I think it was supposed to be nose down and she was more twisted to the side. It felt really strange when they pulled her out. Thank god for the epidural. Thank god for Fred.They showed her to me as they carried her off to the warmer, and I thought, that little girl is way bigger than 5 pounds! My husband stood near her, taking a few pictures, and about 2 minutes later, the NICU nurses left. The delivery nurse, who was still fiddling with my monitor, leaned down and said, "They don't know what to do with a healthy baby." My heart swelled. Healthy. It was time.A friend summed it up best in an announcement email:
Helen arrived on Saturday, June 4, 2005 at around 3:05 pm. At 6 pounds, 11 ounces and 19.5 inches she is quite a healthy girl. Mom and Dad are doing great.
