Brian & I were on the phone today, discussing a friend whose mother-in-law fell down the stairs and broke both arms. Her husband has to do everything for her, including dressing her, feeding her - even wiping her after she uses the bathroom.
Jennie: I'm gonna go ahead and tell you up front that if you broke both of your arms, I would not be able to wipe you, because there's nothing about you in a bathroom that I want to go near.
Brian: (imitates Helen, who these days is unable or unwilling to wipe herself, and instead calls to me from the potty as needed) I need help wiping!
Jennie: Yeah, that's not gonna happen. We'll have to hire someone.
Brian: Can she be young and hot?
Jennie: No, but *he* will be.