Okay, so after sorting through all the bags, dumping the motherload of clothing I can't wear for the next 6 months, and replacing it with tummy-friendly options, I just have one question for my sister: which one of those losers bought the skinny jeans from the maternity store? Seriously, it's a skin-tight jean, in a gorgeous dark denim, with a large elastic tummy band around the waist. No one, and I repeat, NO ONE who is giving birth the near future (i.e., 20 weeks or less) should be allowed to purchase something like a skinny jean. Seriously. (One exception: if you have a personal trainer who visits your house each day, because you appear regularly on a large movie screen in several hundred cities. Other than that, no skinny jean for you.)
Yeah, they're still on the hanger in my closet. I'm trying to decide who I want to scare with them. My husband? My sister? Someone needs to see my calves & thighs shoved into this laughable idea of a clothing item, with the basketball tummy topping off the whole picture. Then they'll know EXACTLY why I'm freaking out. I tried them on before I knew what I was getting into, and I had to peel them off. Reminded me of my single days, when I still fit into that awesome pair of jeans I was wearing when I first met Brian. Six months after we started dating, I couldn't go anywhere near them without hearing some giggling from the hanger. Today, they're still hiding in the back of my closet. They, like me, eagerly await the day that the breastfeeding metabolism kicks into high gear, and I lose like 50 pounds in 2 weeks.
What? It could happen. and every woman out there knows exactly what I'm talking about. We're all guilty of saving that one outfit that made us look like a rock star (or at least, we thought we did), and hoping against any kind of rational hope that one day, we'll rock it again just like OLD SKOOL, YO.
But if you are a mother who talked to me at any point during the first two months of Helen's life, you might be aware that the breastfeeding thing will be a bit of a challenge for me. So, cross your fingers that things go much better this time around, because Mama needs a new pair of jeans.